If I had to sum up concisely the reason my husband is a sex addict, I would say it’s because of self-hatred.

Sex addicts aren’t all the same as one another, of course, but experts like Dr. Patrick Carnes, Dr. Linda Hatch, Dorothy Hayden, Ella Hutchinson, Robert Weiss and Dr. Douglas Weiss agree that sex addicts have terrible self-esteem.

Carnes, in his book Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction, describes an addict who arrives at the gym to work out and feels that people are looking at him funny. He assumes they’re judging him — thinking that he’s a loser. He leaves the gym and instead of going home, finds a prostitute. In his twisted mind, this addict thinks that he’ll feel better about himself through his sexual “acting out.” (Spoiler: of course it doesn’t work. Every single time a sex addict “acts out,” he or she feels even worse than before.)

Has your sex addict partner admitted to feelings of desperate loneliness, misery, and self-hatred? If not, and you’re on speaking terms, it’s worth asking about. But from what I’ve read, it seems like a lot of men and women who are sex addicts are not usually ready, in the beginning of recovery and certainly if they’re still active in the addiction, to be vulnerable, to admit their insecurities, or be honest at all. That’s why I think it might be helpful for you to read what another sex addict has to say.

I understand that partners in our position are often advised to “focus on our own healing” without worrying about the who, what, why and when of our partners’ addictions. But for me, personally, understanding addiction in general, sexual addiction specifically, and my husband’s state of mind, has been tremendously helpful as one component in my healing process. (I’m the type of person who likes everything to make sense, and fit a logical explanation.)

With my husband’s permission, I’m sharing his own words as he explains his thought processes and why he turned to sexual acting out. Each quoted paragraph is from a separate text message he sent me in the last six months, as I asked him again and again why he did what he did, as part of my efforts to make sense of everything.

***TRIGGER WARNING: This post contains quotes from my husband about his sexual acting out (nothing graphic) and his suicidal ideation. Please do not read this if you think it may negatively impact your mental health. If you or someone you know struggles with thoughts of suicide, please call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255, available 24/7.***

“It was the only way I knew how to numb the pain. I’ve hated myself for as long as I can remember. I tried to escape what I saw in the mirror; I tried joining the military, I earned my degree, I ran for office — anything I could do to try and be someone whose reflection I could stand to look at in the mirror. But that same ugly, fat, weak guy was always there looking back at me. Nothing changed me from being me, no matter how badly I wanted it to. In my head, acting out sexually allowed me to imagine being somebody else, if only for a short time.”

Please note that my husband is not an “ugly, fat, weak” person. But as he’s only recently confided to me, he has thought so since childhood, when he was called those terms and more by his peers at school in a vicious cycle of bullying that lasted a few years. Being bullied does not automatically equate to becoming a sex addict or any kind of addict later in life, but study after study shows that peer abuse, like all other types of abuse, has a negative impact on the developing brain and can lead to many mental health problems.

Another thing to note is that he isn’t being manipulative, making excuses, or trying to evoke pity by telling me how he felt about himself. He is responding to my direct questioning and has always included in his messages and our conversations that there was no excuse for acting out sexually, which violated my trust, his vows, and his personal values.

Why did I turn to this? The only thing I can say as a reason is that lust (arousal and orgasm) seemed to counteract and silence my crippling insecurities. I simultaneously avoid and need people. I see people as people who will be annoyed by me, not really like me, feel disgusted by me, judge me. This taints every relationship. Even our kids, who adore me, I have a nagging doubt that when they’re older, I’ll be an embarrassment to them. Sexual acting out got me in that ‘haze’ you read about, and it felt like the only interactions I had with people where those insecurities were silenced.”

In this quote above, he is alluding to the fact that while “acting out,” he always pretended to be someone else who looked and acted differently than him.

For further reading about the “erotic haze” and how sex addiction functions to temporarily allow the addict to escape unpleasant emotional states like the one my husband described, this article gives a brief explanation:  Dorothy Hayden’s “More Underpinnings of Sex Addiction”.

Self-hatred permeates all of his explanations:

“I’d imagine dying and think that all you would remember me as was the *** clown that never followed through, the guy who never stood up to his parents, the guy who kept looking to you as the manager, the guy who always asked if we were OK, the guy who was weak and couldn’t even express what he wanted half the time. I always loved you, but I felt so afraid you didn’t love me back, not really. I felt so unlovable. I felt all my flaws and didn’t see how you could love me or want me. I felt ugly, wretched, and pathetic. I’m so sorry I dealt with those feelings as I did.”

He has described feeling the same intense anxiety and feelings of inadequacy in every relationship in his life — with his boss, with colleagues, with his parents and siblings, and even with our young children, who adore their very engaged, encouraging, and loving dad. He described his thought process about the kids by typing out a typical train of thought or conversation he’d have with himself:

“They love you because that’s what little kids do! Who are they gonna compare you to? Wait until their eyes are open and they see how screwed they got in the father department. They’re gonna wish they had one of their friends’ dads instead of a pudgy, indecisive little ***** who couldn’t assert himself for ****. You’re their first “man”? What a joke! Who would want you for a father?”

Extremely negative self-talk, like this, would contribute to his near-daily suicidal ideation. And then he’d turn to sexual acting out as a way to escape.

If there had been a way to get dopamine in a needle and shoot it up, I would’ve. I wanted the feeling because it seemed like the only way to shut up the nearly perpetual suicidal/self-hating soundtrack being played inside my head.”

He elaborated on this again:

“I didn’t know any other escape. Things seemed so terrible I believed the best thing I could do for you and the kids was to die and make room for someone better. Those thoughts never went away, not with prayer, not with work. I didn’t have anyone I felt like I could talk to. I felt trapped in my own head. It seemed like the only way to quiet the thoughts. I’m so sorry.”

It only distracted him temporarily — while he was in the middle of doing it. He never once actually felt better about himself because of it, which he could see almost from the moment he was caught.

But it seems as though he was unable to think clearly and rationally until that point. After each time he had “acted out,” he would swear to himself that he’d never do it again — only to realize hours or days later that he had just done it again, and feel sick with guilt and self-disgust all over again.

I know this was a long post, so thank you for reading this far. What has been your experience with your partner? Has he or she been vulnerable and honest about the real reasons for sex addiction? Has what you heard from him or her been similar to what my husband has written?

17 thoughts on “In His Own Words – Why My Husband Is a Sex Addict

  1. Our spouses sound very much alike with the self hatred and suicidal thoughts. It’s shocking to say the least.

    My spouse also had very little confidence in the past, but that had improved since he has stopped acting out. He was also bullied and had the most negative narrative about himself, that he just gave up. He attempted suicide last year and almost succeeded after going missing for 28 hours and taking more than 400 pills. Thankfully he fully recovered after 2 weeks in the hospital.

    We will absolutely survive this, 100%. I hope our spouses will soon learn that it’s ok feel the negativity and then let it slide off like oil on a ducks back.

    Very informative blog xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my goodness, how scary, Spouse of a Sex Addict! I am so glad that your husband was found in time and is safe now. I can’t imagine your emotions at the time. (((hugs))) I absolutely agree that things can and will get better. Thank you for taking the time to share your story!

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  2. My husband has apparently always suffered with a low self esteem and continues to struggle with his worth. However, it has been very frustrating for me that he has never been able to pinpoint any specific incidents from his childhood or adolescence that may have led to a susceptibility to his addiction. In the words of our therapist, “Well, I guess, you are one of those people that it is a completely biological cause.” I don’t think our counsellor truly believes that, and I certainly don’t, but there is only so much digging our counsellor can do if my husband can’t or won’t offer much to go on.

    It seems that you have read Out of the Shadows. It was the first book my husband read, but I did receive the recommendation to avoid reading it and focus on my own healing. My therapist thought it would disturb me more than help me in my early stages. Which I do believe was the right thing for me to do at that time. Three years later, I have still not read it, but am thinking maybe it is time. Admittedly, not only was I naive throughout my husband’s active addiction, but sometimes I question whether that has continued through our respective recoveries.

    I would ask if you recommend that I read Out of the Shadows now, but I suspect I already know your answer 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Cynthia, there’s an article by Dr. Linda Hatch that I found recently, called “The Myth of the ‘Normal Childhood’ — Why Are You a Sex Addict?” (https://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex-addiction/2014/01/the-myth-of-the-normal-childhood-why-are-you-a-sex-addict/) that might be interesting for you and your husband to read. I think sometimes emotional negligence by parents can be so pervasive that our husbands don’t even recognize it. It was their “normal” for so many years that they don’t realize it isn’t normal for anybody else. If he wasn’t sexually or physically abused by anybody and all of his self-esteem came from emotional abuse or neglect, that might have something to do with why he can’t point to any incidents. Of course, I’m no professional and am just guessing.

      As far as reading “Out of the Shadows,” I’m honestly not sure what I would recommend! It was informative, but … I hated parts of it. I find Dr. Patrick Carnes to be a complete misogynist, and I was very angry because of that, while reading certain sections of his book. It made my blood boil, as did other things that man has written, and I’m hoping to write a post about that eventually! I’m not alone, either — he’s received a lot of criticism from other experts, like Dr. Omar Minwalla, and other partners of addicts. So I don’t know if it would be helpful for you, personally, or harmful, because I’m not sure if it helped me! I really love Dr. Linda Hatch’s book, “Living With a Sex Addict: The Basics from Crisis to Recovery.” I thought she did a great job of explaining underpinnings of sex addiction as well as painting a very hopeful picture about the future after treatment.

      I’ll keep thinking about that, too, and try to add to my list of resources. I read voraciously about sex addiction for the first few months after “D-day,” but I haven’t added much to that list yet! I need to update it.

      Thank you so much for sharing your comment!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for your detailed observations about Out of the Shadows. I’m thinking maybe I will keep it on the shelf a little longer. My therapist has been wonderful in guiding me through my recovery so I may continue to trust his advice for me to avoid the book. But if I do read it, it is very helpful for me to have your reactions in the back of my mind if I find myself struggling with parts of it.

    Thank you so much for sharing the article about the normal childhood with me. I am definitely going to check that out!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re welcome! I love your blog and am grateful not to be alone on this journey. I hope that article helps. For years my husband said he had a “happy childhood.” Now that he’s in recovery, the truth is coming out. That’s another thing I’d like to write about some time. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Hello Friend. I do not have a husband who struggles with sex addiction, however, I have been commenting on this topic for a while now. So here I am. I want to firstly tell you about how sorry I am to find out that he cheated on you. I am so so sorry to hear this. I honestly hope this whole situation gets better soon.

    I would honestly like to pitch something to you, something that could be beneficial to your husband. Although I am of the notion that we as people need to eat healthy, exercise and use good products on ourselves, I also always tell people that their value does not come from how they look, their value comes from their relationship with God. God is our creator, and he is the only one who can render any supreme judgement on how we look. Everyone else was CREATED, they did not CREATE us. They (the media, society, other people) set these beauty standards. However, they are just people like us who are trying to survive, why should we let them dictate how we feel, when they are stuck here in life with us and are also looking for ways to understand this thing called life. There are two types of people in this world, the followers and the leaders. The followers are those who blend in with societal values, the leaders are those who seek to transform it. Trust me when I say this, the followers follow the leaders. Your husband needs to decide to be a leader today. God has stated that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. When we build a good relationship with God, he shows us our true value.

    Concerning God’s followers, he says in 1 Peter 2:9: “But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light”

    Looking to other people for validation is a waste of time, when we can look to God, the supreme being, for true validation. I suggest that your husband builds a relationship with God and specifically requests that God should show him his true value, his hidden virtues and wipe away this cloud of low self-esteem from his eyes.

    God says in Philippians 4:6 “6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God”

    God also says in Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

    I suggest that both you and your husband build a relationship with God today, and begin to tap into his infinite mercies.

    To build a relationship with God (if you do not already have one), here are the steps that I recommend:

    1. Confession of faith: you need to find a quiet space. Imagine that Jesus is in front of you. Ask him for forgiveness of your past sins and the sins of your ancestors. Ask him to give you the strength to forgive those who have offended you. Honestly, I suggest that you forgive the people who have offended you, because whatever they did to you is now in the past, and upon a confession of Jesus as your Lord, you become a new creation. In addition, God commands that we need to forgive others, before he can forgive us. You can also get a deliverance before your confession of faith. Deliverance will rid you off any ungodly spirits that have taken residence in your body and mind. A pastor with a deliverance anointing should be able to help with this. There are also videos on YouTube, where pastors with a deliverance anointing pray directly for people through the videos. You just need to search “deliverance prayer” in the search bar to reach these videos. Now, you need to tell Jesus that you want him to come and be your lord and personal savior, and surrender to him. You need to know that Jesus died for you. He died on the cross so that you may have a chance at salvation. The minute you give your life to Jesus, you need to know that you can no longer live as you wish, you shall live according to the stipulations in the bible. Believe in your heart that Jesus was risen up from the dead by God, and confess with your mouth that he is the messiah and your personal savior.

    2. Prayers: ask Jesus to bless you with eternal life. Tell him to make a place for you in his heavenly abode. You need to understand that praying for heaven is the best prayer that you can ever pray. Life on earth is so short, you need to be worried about eternal life, which is so much longer. God knows that you need clothes, food, shelter etc. He is your creator and he knows your every need. The bible tells us to pray for eternal life and God would provide our other needs (i.e. clothes, shelter etc.) according to his riches. If there is something bothering you, tell God in prayer, commit it to him and ask him to do it for you. However, bear in mind that this life is temporary and so are the things in this life. When you are praying, the devil will try to disrupt your prayers by bringing sudden disturbances and evil thoughts. An example of an evil thought that the devil tries to use to stop people from praying is by bringing the thought that Jesus is not present and that they are simply wasting their time. Jesus is there with you when you pray. So pray like you mean it. Pray the same way you will if Jesus was right in front of you because he is. You need to understand how prayers work as well. You see, when you pray, God answers prayers. God usually has three answers to prayers Yes, Yes but Wait, and No. God has a reason for every answer that he gives. He loves you and he will make sure that everything works out well for you in the end. When you get a No from God, sometimes it is not because that thing is not good for you at that point in time, but it may be because God is trying to draw your attention to something that you are doing wrong in your life. When you get a No from God, you need to evaluate yourself, what is the motive of your prayer? is it pure? Is it Godly? Is there an area of sin in your life that you need to work on? When you reflect on these things and you find something in yourself lacking, try to fix it. When God says Yes to prayers and sends you his blessings, trust me, there are spiritual forces of the devil in high places that work against people so that their blessings from God would not reach them. You need to pray against these spiritual forces. Rebuke them by the power and the name of Jesus. This way, your blessings would be able to reach you. Lastly, some people pray lazy prayers. For example, someone might pray for a job, without actually applying to any. God does not reward laziness. When you are praying for something, you need to be putting some work in as well. God rewards hard-work and we ought to strive to be hardworking. God’s role is to direct, bless, and make your path clear. He would be with you. You need to make sure that you are close to God in prayer. Do not cease to tell him about what you are struggling with. If you are struggling with sins of the flesh that you believe are hindering your spiritual growth, you need to make sure that you tell God. Make sure that you pray for an increment in faith. Faith is important, you need to have faith in God. When we pray, we need to have faith, God does not like it when we doubt his ability to provide us with what we want, he is mighty and nothing is impossible with him. When you are low in faith, pray to God for an increment in faith. Remember to pray for your family, your city, your country and the world in fact, no prayers are too big for God. Pray that unsaved people would be saved. Pray for your non-Christian family members, pray that they see the light and become saved. When you pray, make sure that you take care of sins. The bible says that we need to forgive others if we want our sins to be forgiven. Make sure you forgive others, ask for forgiveness of your sins first before praying. Sins can block your prayers from getting to God. Try to avoid sin, but pray for forgiveness of sins everyday, because sometimes, we are not aware of the sins that we are committing. When you get answers to your prayers, remember to thank God.

    3. The Bible: You need to make sure that you are reading the bible and that you are obeying it. I suggest you begin with the New Testament because the coming of Jesus changed many of the things that were practised before. However, bear in mind that the old testament is also important. You can find free bible apps on google play. You can also find free bibles online. The New Living Translation is an easy to read bible version. However, the most popular one is the King James Version.

    4. Hearing from God: Trust me, God would speak to you. He would speak to you through dreams. Through people, through situations, through the bible and so much more. You need to practice and perfect the art of hearing God’s voice. Dreams contain a lot of symbolism. When you possess an avid knowledge of what the bible says, you would understand the biblical meaning of all the symbols in your dreams. However, for now, you can search online bible dream dictionaries for the meaning of things you see in your dream. You also need to know that although there are general meanings for some symbols, some interpretations are based on context. Take context into account. God does communicate via dreams. Sometimes, you might be asking God for direction on something. Pay attention to the words all around you during this time i.e, the things people say, words you see when reading the bible etc. Sometimes you might even just turn on your TV and the TV anchor would say something that directly relates to what you are going through. Pay attention to these things. You would know it is God’s voice when whatever is said is not in contradiction to the bible and God’s nature. If it is in contradiction then it might just be something random that popped up. As you practise the art of listening and hearing, God might give you the gift of seeing visions or the gift of hearing an inner voice, and take you to deeper depths of hearing.

    5. Fasting: fasting is an effective way to get God’s attention. Fasting is a way to spend time with him. You deprive yourself of food because what you seek for is more than food. There are different types of fasting, and you need to plan what works for you. There is the:

    A. Avoidance fasting: This is a fasting form where you avoid something that you cannot do without i.e. Coffee.

    B. Daniel’s fast: In this sort of fasting, you only eat fruit and vegetables and drink water. You do not eat anything cooked or anything other than fruits and vegetables.

    C. Water fast: In this sort of fasting, you do not eat anything, you only drink water. No food, just water.

    D. Total fast: In this sort of fasting, you do not eat or drink anything. You do not drink even water.

    Make sure that you work out what works for you. You can pray to God for directions on the timing of the fasting to follow. However, as a general time-frame, on fasting days, many Christians fast from 6am to 6pm. Many Christians also use those moments when they feel hungry/ feel cravings as prompts to pray. You need to have increased prayers during fasting periods.

    6. Temptations: When you believe in Jesus. Trust me, the devil sometimes would throw trials and tribulations into your life, the goal of this is to get you to denounce your faith. The goal is to frustrate you. You need to pray and fast when trials and tribulations strike. God would never leave you or forsake you. He would be with you and with God, you will overcome this if it ever happens.

    7. Spreading the gospel: Now that you know the truth, you are chosen. It is now your duty to share the truth in the bible with others. Make sure that you save people from falling prey to Satan’s tactics. You need to join the fight to depopulate the devil’s camp, while populating God’s kingdom. With spreading the gospel, do not feel the need to finish reading the whole bible before you begin. You can teach people the little you know.

    8. Read: There is a lot of material out there. There are ministers of God who have practised for about 40 years. These people have a lot of stories about their ministry. Some of them have the gift to heal others, others see visions, some of them hear God’s voice. Many of these people have written books about how they accomplished what they have accomplished, and how they got their gift. Buy these books and read them. If you do not have money, some of these ministers have shared their stories for free on YouTube, take advantage of that.

    9: Reform yourself: begin to watch Christian movies and listen to Christian music. Make sure that your thoughts, actions, and words are in obedience to the word of God. Make sure that you are not doing anything sinful in your thoughts, actions or words. Refine your world, the space around you, the things you see and hear, make it all about God. You can also join a community of bible believing Christians. However, I need to tell you that there is sectarianism in the religion. Do not pay attention to sectarianism, pay attention to the bible. The bible is your authority. If a church seems to have too much sectarianism issue going on, if they are more focused on promoting their denomination than promoting God and the word in his bible, you need to stop going there. Get a water baptism, and pray so that God would baptise you in the holy spirit.

    (I know I have written this list in the order of 1 to 9. It is crucial that you begin with Step 1. Prayers are something that you need to do constantly, so is bible study, hearing from God and reforming yourself. However, you can start small with fasting and spreading the gospel. You can start by preaching to your family members in the beginning phase of spreading the gospel, but you need to expand on these over time. I know this list seems long and all these seem deep, but trust me, you would blend into it so easily and it would become second nature to you. Pray to God to make all of these easy for you, and he will. The devil would try to trick you into believing that God’s standards are too high and that you would never overcome sin, when in actuality, you can. So therefore, pray to God and believe and he would help you overcome sin).

    If you ever backslide and fall back into sin again while trying to follow God’s word. You need to ask him to forgive you and try to get back on track.

    If you have any questions, feel free to let me know. If you need to talk, I am here for you. God bless you. Have a blessed day 🙂

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    1. I agree that our self-worth should not be based on the opinions of other people and that our value is not based on how we look.

      It may surprise you to hear this, but my husband is a very, very religious person. He already has a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, a strong faith in God, and a regular prayer life, and this has been true for decades, including the recent period while he was, as you said, “cheating on me.” He prayed, fasted, went to church more than once a week. He was constantly confessing his sins to God and praying for help never to commit them again. But his addiction could continue to escalate even while his spiritual life flourished. The two are not connected.

      Addiction is not a spiritual problem. Sex addiction cannot be cured by prayer. If you believe in God, and it’s quite clear that you do, and you believe in the Bible — and again, it’s quite clear that you do — then a careful reading will remind you that God provides practical help in many cases, in order to help people. He doesn’t act only through miracles. And sometimes that practical help means modern science and the benefits of contemporary psychology.

      It is unhelpful to tell an addict that he could have prayed his addiction away, or that he didn’t believe in God enough, or that he simply isn’t accepting God’s help etc. Addiction is not, I repeat, a spiritual issue. It can coexist with spiritual issues, but it not a spiritual issue. It is an issue of the very physical human brain. (Here is a great explanation of how addiction changes neurological pathways in the brain: https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/addiction-changes-the-brain-s-communication-pathways/)

      A relationship with God can be helpful in recovery, but prayer is not the solution. I am not downplaying the importance of prayer or the role of a relationship with God for all aspects of life. Do not misunderstand me. But the help God provides is very practical. A certified sex addiction therapist is, viewed through the lens of Christianity, a gift from the Creator. That and other forms of therapy are the way to cure sex addiction, possibly in conjunction with medication.

      Thank you for your comment! It must have taken you a long time to type this, and I appreciate how much concern you must have for me and for my husband in order to take the time to write that.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Hello Dear. I am happy that you responded to my comment. There are quite a few people who do not respond. I understand your perspective on addiction as a physical situation. In my experience, I struggled with an addiction prior to becoming a Christian. During my early days as a Christian, I still struggled heavily with the addiction. I felt empty whenever I did not give in to my addiction. I had built my whole life around it, it was my escape from reality. Without any medical interference, God managed to help me break free from it. He strengthened me in that situation and I am glad that I am out of it. There are certain truths when it comes to being religious, and it sometimes takes a comment like yours to bring these truths to life. Religious people are constantly under attack from demonic forces. These are people who are progressing spiritually, spiritual progress is something that the devil hates. Whenever they have one area of sin in their lives, the devil would quickly tap into it and try to use it as a means to gain a space in the person’s life. I have seen people who pray, fast, and do many other religious acts, who still struggle with sinful situations and other problems. When we are in a situation like this and we pray to God for help, I agree that God can send practical help in the form of a therapist. In some instances, there are people who have gone to therapists and have seen no progress. When this happens, it is either God is trying to call their attention to something, a possible unresolved issue from their past or an ancestral problem that they need to pay attention to, or the person might simply be under major attack from the devil and may need to grow even more in their spiritual journey.

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  5. I couldn’t agree more with you on Patrick Carnes. I lay responsibility for so many (mostly female) partners being labeled as co-dependents – and the additional trauma that causes them – squarely in his lap. Yes, he’s trying to sing a new tune as of late, but the damage he inflicted is done.

    Dr. Minwalla, on the other hand… well, I’m a fangirl. ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, definitely. Carnes’ attitude had me so irate in the beginning of my learning about SA. He’s so illogical, and doesn’t support a lot of his opinions with facts. I think the way he mixed pseudoscience in with actual scientific information about addiction may have contributed to the fact that sex addiction is still not taken seriously by many psychologists and the general public. That’s changing, of course (the WHO just added sex addiction, for instance), but I think the process was probably slowed down a lot by Carnes and his craziness.
      I’m looking forward to writing a post about everything he gets wrong. It’s on my to-do list!

      Liked by 2 people

  6. I do believe that he caused a lot of damage and I don’t buy his apparent change of heart on codependency either. I am heartened though by the number of other professionals with great credentials who are on board with the trauma model and helping spouses of sex addicts recover and heal.

    It’s good to connect with you and I look forward to reading more of what you write.
    ❤️

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